It’s a day before my birthday I’m finally turning 25years I have been wondering how it would be like. and now I am a day away from finding out. God has been really amazing I managed to pull through 24years without any extremely bad situation that came my way, for that I’m really grateful and I understand it was and still is the love and grace of the Lord that I made it through.
I came to realize that I use my mind a lot and sometimes its all on wrong things. I cant help but blame my mind for painting a picture that I will be happier and more loved if I left my home for the unknown… as I found myself falling for a woman I know nothing about except for their name and surname, through this time of confusion I would rather call it, my home was slowly falling apart and one evening while talking to my partner she said and I quote ” you know my wife the bible says a clever woman builds her house, but a foolish woman will demolish hers with her bare hands” I could see that I was breaking my home apart but I thought that was the right thing at that moment since I was still excited about what I wasn’t sure of and some thing I didn’t know if it existed or not.
having the woman I call my love sad like that and speaking such words made rethink my decision and who gets lose and how will breaking her heart benefit me. im not getting younger that’s no secret and this messing around ish is really pulling me back and as I grow older I will meet new people with different characters and I find that I learn a lot and get to understand myself more by reading others. which is part of making my journey in life so fruit full. there were days when I cried, complained and I was hurting everyday but I figured all that was me being silly. but I really don’t regret having to put myself through those emotions, I’m actually glad I went through it all cause now I live life fuller and without fears I understand that some days are bad and others are better.
With all that being said. there’s one thing THAT HASNT CHANGED which is My love for writing, the respect my parents instilled in me and all values remain though I must admit, I have changed a lot inside out but I’m proud that as I grow older I seem to drift more closer to my Creator and I slowly learn to understand his ways. growing up isn’t all that fun nor is it easy because it means letting go of your parents as providers though our parents will always be there to bail us out but there’s an age where when you get to it, there’s certain things you need to rid your parents of. I’m really not going to get into detail of those things but I’m sure you have an idea of what I’m talking about.
and being away from parent for the first time most of us tend to forget the teaching and go awol or pick up all sorts of habits losing morals and values. which puts us in trouble most the time but lately I find myself happy most days
As accepting as I have become there’s just some things that one really needs to pray hard about before accepting, one of those being… loving a person so much that it hurts.NO I’m not saying being hurt by someone you love I’m saying loving someone to a point where you cry, you break, AND you hurt so much that you just want to hate them for loving them. But that wouldn’t be fair as they didn’t instill those feeling in your heart. For that matter they don’t even know how you feel about them.
With all the love filling my heart I’m gradually learning to control it and to use it accordingly because I hurt a lot of people in my process of hurting. I understand that as I put my heart to someone that may not even exist I stand to lose people that actually do exist and really care about my existence. So what I’ve gather from this is that “inhliziyo kayiphakelwa “ meaning the heart cannot be feed. it eats where it can.
in all honestly crushing on someone is seen as light thing to go through but it becomes difficult once love is established although in my head and I think in my heart as well YES im into to her big time but I cant put myself in a position of maid in another’s castle when im queen in my own
so all in all this is my acceptance speech accepting growing up and changes I constantly go through….